Mercy!!

I just posted a comment on a friend's blog. And you know the security "word" that you have to type in to verify that you aren't some random computer virus posting comments on people's blogs?

This was what I got to type in:

minegod

Which is a little bit freaky...but I'll get to that in a minute.

Ever since school started in August, I have had the kind of year that if I sat down and disclosed the whole thing...the no holes barred...TMI...Jerry Springer gory details; people might believe I made it up.

I promise you. I am not that creative.

Some of it has been the kind of terrible that you wish you were dreaming so you could wake up and it would be over.

Some of it has been so amazing that I would do it again in a heartbeat--even if it meant the same outcome.

I won't lie. Some of it I willingly brought upon myself.

Some of it other people and other situations dumped in my lap.

I'm beginning to believe that I am one of those people to whom drama and chaos are magnetically attracted.

And I'm tapped out. Spent. Done. As in, "stick a fork in me--I am D.O.N.E. Done"

Yet the hits still keep coming. Today at 4:30, My boss announced that he is resigning effective June 30. I know, bosses resign all of the time, but my boss created this school I work for. I can't imagine it run by anyone else. I can't fathom what that will look like. And frankly, it's just one more thing.

As I was running this evening, I started thinking about that game you play when you're a kid...you know...where you hold hands with someone and the object is to bend his/her fingers back far enough that they cry, "Mercy!"?

I realized I've been trying to play that game with God. My life...my will...my decisions...I can handle it...my terms. Against His.

See...I'm a control freak. Which is why "minegod" was so freaky-funny. That's how I've been. Mine, God. MY life. MY decisions. MY choices. You can come along for the ride if you like, but this ship will be captained by ME.

And for awhile, it seemed to be working. Kind of like when you push against your opponent's hands and you feel a give and think you just might win this one?

It occurred to me today that I can play this game with God for a long time, and I may even feel like I'm in the lead, but ultimately, I'm not winning this one.

So there you have it. My cry of "Mercy!"


Because truly?? I'd rather just have God hold my hands and have us walk this road together--regardless of the outcome, or what it looks like to everyone else.

So maybe the next time I decide I need to put my two cents worth in on someone's blog, the security "word" that pops up will be

fineGod.