Turning the Tables

Have I mentioned that my husband travels?

Normally, I don't feel sorry for him. I mean, come on.

A social environment with co-workers--talking to adults and drinking adult drinks (no juice boxes allowed).

Evenings to himself in a nice hotel room--bed all to himself--no kids with their cold feet on him, watching whatever he wants on TV.

Dinners at nice restaurants every evening.

What's to feel sorry for?

And I think it's fair to have a couple of requests: Please don't talk to me when you are in the bar with your colleagues. Please check your cell phone on a regular basis. Please don't rave on and on about how great your dinner was--I probably ate peanut butter and jelly. Please call when you say you're going to, and PLEASE--try to pretend you are there to work!!

Well, the tables have been turned. I am "traveling." A mere hour away, because it is cheaper to get me a hotel room for 3 nights than it is to pay my mileage to drive in every day. We are administering state assessments.

Last night, the kids called from home to tell me goodnight. I told them goodnight while I was in the hotel bar, visiting with my colleagues.

Staying all by myself in a hotel isn't all it is cracked up to be. The bed is too big, the pillows are too small, I hear every little noise, and there really is NOTHING to watch on the 80 million channels available on the hotel TV.

I had to have my cell phone off all morning while I worked.

I call home. He talks about taking the kids to their stuff, their school day, and struggles with behavior (they are TOTALLY taking advantage of Dad being out of his element); I talk about where I've eaten all of my meals today. He asks what my afternoon was like. I had to admit that I had no work to do, so a co-worker and I sat at an outdoor restaurant and drank coffee.

I promise to call at 8:30 to talk to the kids. We go out to dinner in a group. The group doesn't get back to the hotel until 9. I call late.

I get tears in my eyes talking to the kids. They chatter about their day. And I missed it. It is fun to hear them talk about it, but I am just a spectator. An outsider, getting a glimpse of their life for a day. Their dad got to experience this one with them.

And I have realized several things:

Being away on business is NOT at all the same thing as being away with friends for pleasure. I know that now.

You can try as hard as you want to be available for your family, but there are circumstances that exist that are beyond your control when you are on the road.

And you feel very guilty. You know you need to do what you're doing for your job, but you feel bad that the other person is dealing with everything alone on the home-front.

I hope I have learned something from this experience.

And maybe he's learned something about working full-time and taking care of kids full-time, too.

Role reversal can sometimes be a very good thing.