If You Get Up at 5:30am...

If you get up at 5:30 am...you will need to make a pot of coffee.

While filling the pot, you will notice that water doesn't seem to be draining down the sink, so...you will flip the garbage disposal switch.

As you flip the garbage disposal switch, black murky "ick" will shoot up out of the sink, splattering you and filling up the other side, making it necessary for you to...call the plumber.

Calling the plumber--and actually getting an answer at 6 in the morning--will make it necessary to clean all rooms of the house that are plumbed for water...including the upstairs bathroom.

In the upstairs bathroom, you will notice...your flatiron out on the counter.

While putting away your flatiron, you will remember that...you have a 10:45 haircut.

The 1o:45 haircut mojo will of course cause the plumber to arrive at your door at 9:55 and stay until 10:46...causing you to be late and call the salon.

When you call the salon, you will get...THE ANSWERING MACHINE!!

Being the people-pleaser you are (you don't want her to think you stood her up, and you aren't having good luck with answering machines, these days, besides, you are in desperate need of a haircut) you will "dash" to the salon holding on to delusions of grandeur that MAYBE she will be able to fit you in...She won't.

Since you now have an extra half-hour, you will decide...to stop by Wal Mart and fill a prescription.

While the prescription is being filled...you will wander aimlessly about the store adding at least $50 of random merchandise to your cart.

This random wandering will bring you back by the pharmacy, where...you will try to pay for your prescription.

Your very presence at the prescription counter will cause something freaky to happen to the computer, making it...deny your insurance coverage (that mojo, thing, again).

This "denial" of coverage will make it necessary for you to pay $30 for a bottle of pills that should have cost you $10...which will raise your stress level to a point at which it will be impossible to go home and cook your four children a nutritious lunch.

While pondering this cooking dilemma...you will see Arby's.

Seeing Arby's will remind you of 5/$5.95...a cheap way to feed children.

Your very presence in the Arby's drive thru will also cause something freaky to happen to the computer...making it necessary for the nice Arby's man to take your order 3 times and still get it WRONG!!!

The freaky computer thing will remind you that you need to call the insurance company and...make sure you do indeed have health coverage. You are thinking you might need a lot of it in the future.

A call to the insurance company will result in...a correction of the problem. Yay!!

The correction of the problem will mean that you will need...to return to Wal Mart to receive your $20 refund.

The thought of returning to Wal Mart today will be enough to cause you to abandon all remaining responsibilities and duties and...sit on the couch in a catatonic stupor for the remainder of the day.

This catatonic stupor is going to need...coffee.

And while fixing coffee, there is a good chance you will decide to try to get caught up tomorrow...at 5:30 am!